ANG HOST AT ANG CONTESTANT

Host: What "N" (narra) is the national tree of the
Philippines?

Contestant: Niyog?

Host: Mas matigas pa diyan.

Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!

*********

Host: Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose
Rizal?

Contestant: Sa back?

Host: O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay
letter "L"
(Luneta).

Contestant: Likod?

Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang
initials ng modern name nito
(Rizal Park).

Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)

************

Host: Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag
summer upang maligo?

Contestant: Banyo?

Host: Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.

Contestant: Bubong?

Host: Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga
babaeng
naka-bikini.

Contestant: Beerhouse!

************

Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na
sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay
nalulunod?

Contestant: Lifebuoy?

Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng
sabon
ang pangalan ng ito.

Contestant : Safeguard?

Host: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot
mo.

Contestant : Safe Buoy?

Host: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang
kaniyang
katawan.

Contestant: Ah, Mr. Clean!

************

Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na
flotation device sa dagat upang
hindi ka malunod?

Contestant: Sirena?

Host: Hindi! Hindi ito babae.

Contestant: Siyokoy?

Host: Hindi ito lalake.

Contestant: Siyoke?

************

Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower
of the Philippines?

Contestant: Sunflower?

Host: Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.

Contestant: Stork?

Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak?

Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".

Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?

Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at
dadagdagan ko pa! Anong pangalan
ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa
letrang "A", at kapangalan ng
isang sikat na singer?

Contestant: Si...Sharon Cuneta!

************

Host: Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess Grandmaster
(Eugene Torre) of Asia?

Contestant: Carole KING?

Host: Hindi, mas mababa sa king.

Contestant: Al QUINN?

Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.

Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?

Host: Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.

Contestant: BISHOP Bacani?

Host: Mas mababa sa bishop.

Contestant: Johnny MidNIGHT?

Host: Mas mababa sa Knight.

Contestant: Jerry PONS?

Host: Oh, ayan na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng
piyesa
sa Chess. Yung
kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.

Contestant: Sylvia laTORRE!

************

Host: What "K" (kalabaw) is the national animal of
the Philippines?

Contestant: Kuto?

Host: Hinde. Clue, it tills the land.

Contestant: Kutong Lupa!

*************

Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa
500
Peso bill? Clue, may
initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)

Contestant: Nora Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end
sa "Y".

Contestant: Guy Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.

Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?

Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.

Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA
AUNOR!!!

ONLY HOPE For The Philippines

This is the BEST email that I received today.

Loved this. Yes I agree.
God is our only HOPE for the healing and Full restoration of our country, The Philippines.

Not rallies , complaints or anger.
Just PRAYER and talking to Him..

Blogging and spreading this out.

*THE ONLY HOPE FOR THE PHILIPPINES*

by Father James Reuter, S.J.

By her own admission, GMA (Gloria Macapagal Arroyo) rightfully assessed that over the last decades; our republic has become one of the weakest, steadily left behind by its more progressive neighbors.' Forty years ago, we were only second to Japan in economic stature, and way ahead of Singapore , Hong Kong , Malaysia , and Thailand . Today, at our present growth rate, it will take us 30 years to get to where Thailand is.

1.. A population of 160 Million;

2. Of those, 70 to 90 million (equivalent to our current population) will live below the poverty line;

3. Our national debt is estimated to be at US$200B (compared to US$28B when Marcos fled, and US$53B today);

4. We will be competing, not against Thailand or even Vietnam , but against Bangladesh ;

5. We will be the most corrupt nation in Asia , if not in the world (we're already ranked 11th most corrupt nation by Transparency International) .

The signs are clear. Our nation is headed towards an irreversible path of economic decline and moral decadence. It is not for lack of effort. We've seen many men and women of integrity in and out of government, NGOs, church groups & people's organization devote themselves to the task of nation-building, often times against insurmountable odds.

But not even two people's revolutions, bloodless as they may be, have made a dent in reversing this trend. At best, we have moved one step forward, but three steps backward.

We need a force far greater than our collective efforts, as a people, can ever hope to muster. It is time to move the battle to the spiritual realm.. It's time to claim GOD's promise of healing of the land for His people. It's time to gather GOD's people on its knees to pray for the economic recovery and moral reformation of our nation.

Is prayer really the answer? Before you dismiss this as just another rambling of a religious fanatic, I'd like you to consider some lessons we can glean from history.

England 's ascendancy to world power was preceded by the Reformation, a spiritual revival fueled by intense prayers.

The early American settlers built the foundation that would make it the most powerful nation today - a strong faith in GOD and a disciplined prayer life. Throughout its history, and especially at its major turning points, waves of revival and prayer movement swept across the land.

In recent times, we see Korea as a nation experiencing revival and in the process producing the largest Christian church in the world today, led by Rev. Paul Yongi Cho. No wonder it has emerged as a strong nation when other economies around it are faltering.

Even from a purely secular viewpoint, it makes a lot of sense. For here there is genuine humbling & seeking of GOD through prayer, moral reformation necessarily follows. And this, in turn, will lead to general prosperity. YES, we believe prayer can make a difference. It's our only hope.

Today, we launch this email brigade, to inform Filipinos from all over the world to pray, as a people, for the economic recovery and moral reformation of our nation. We do not ask for much. We only ask for 5 minutes of your time in a day, to fwd this email to your close friends and relatives.

This is the kind of unity which can make a big difference. Of course, if you feel strongly, as I do, about the power of prayer, you can be more involved by starting your own prayer group or prayer center.

We have tried people power twice; in both cases, it fell short. Maybe it's time to try prayer power. GOD never fails. Is there hope? YES! We can rely on God's promise, but we have to do our part. If we humble ourselves and pray as a people, GOD will heal our land. By GOD's grace, we may yet see a better future for our children.

'If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray, and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from Heaven, and will forgive their sins, and will heal their land...'(2 Chronicles 7:14).

If you care for your children and grandchildren, PLEASE pass this on. .. ...
Let's not just abandon the Philippines



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

In Response to the Email Scam

Out of curiousity, I replied to the guy like this.

"Junbee!!!
Napasukan ng anu ung email mo. Narinig ko na to dati.
Replayan ko to ng ganito.

Ive heard it. Will send u $$$ soon. Just wait ok?"


And he replied,

" Thank you so much for your response and concern towards my situation. Please help me send the money as soon as possible so i can sort out myseld and leave here,i will refund it when i get back. I will be waiting for your help soon.

junbee laxina"


I replied,

"Ok i will need to withdraw some $$$ soon.just dont worry ok?
i will send you 3000.just buy ur plain ticket and get back here!"


Ok.
I will keep this guy entertained
until the police will catch him!
I need your help on this one peepz! Pls. Spread this till it reached UK!!!





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

WARNING: Another Email Scam!

I've received this from my friend's yahoo email and of course,
right there and then I knew that it's a scam!!!

If anyone of you is residing in UK and happens to know the
address stated below, please report to the police ASAP!
This guy must be stopped! Ilan na kaya ang mga naging biktima nito???

Name: Junbee Laxina ( this is my friend's name that he is using)
Address: 40 Lea Bridge Road,
London, E10 7EB,
United Kingdom


Read on below for the details of the email:


How are you doing today? This has had to come in a hurry and it has left me in a devastating state.I had to come down to U.K for an urgent situation, unfortunately for me Robbers attacked the Hotel I lodged. They made away with my entire luggage, all my money and contact dairy. I had spoken to my Embassy, they only cleared me of my travelling documents. I didn't bring my phone here and the hotel telephone lines were disconnected during the robbery, so I have access to only emails. Please can you send me £1250 as early as possible so I can return home. I will refund it immediately i get back. Western Union or Money Gram seems to be the safest and quickest option for now, please send to the details below:

Name: Junbee Laxina
Address: 40 Lea Bridge Road,
London, E10 7EB,
United Kingdom

Please as soon as you are done sending it, write out the transfer details ,including (MTCN) or scan the receipt and send it to me. Thank you so much as I would be waiting to hear from you.
Regards,

junbee laxina

Top Pinoy Business Names

1. Parlor in San Juan is named "Cut & Face".2. Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: "Starduck".
3. My brother's party needs business: "Balloon-Balloonan" .
4. Internet cafe opened among squatters named "Cafe Pindot". (Is there a Café Pisil nearby?)
5. In Manila , there's a laundry named, "Summa Cum Laundry".
6. A store selling fresh chicken, owned by woman named Dina: "Dina FreshChicken" .
7. A pet shop in Kamuning: "Pakita Mo Pet Mo".
8. Bakery: "Bread Pit".
9. Bank in Alabang: "Alabank".
10. Restaurant in Pampanga named, "Mekeni Rogers"
11. Restaurant in Pasig : "Johnny's Fried Chicken: The 'Fried' of Marikina ".
12. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: "Lito Lapida".
13. A copy center in Sikatuna Village called "Pakopya ni Edgar".
14. Salon: "Hair Dot Comb".javascript:void(0)
15. A goto resto: "Goto Ko Pa!"
16. Internet cafe in Taguig named, "n@kopi@".
17. Name of a kambingan, "Sa Goat Kita".
18. Laundry shop: "Wash Your Problem".
19.. A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: "Gee Congee".
20. A bakery: "Anak Ng Tinapay".
21. A store selling feeds for chickens: "Robocock".
22. Shoe repair in Marikina : "Dr. Shoe-Bago".
23. Shoe repair store along Commonwealth, "SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you".
24. Petshop: "Petness First"
25. Flower shop: "Susan's Roses". (I heard there’s another florist nearby whose store is named “Petal Attraction” )
26. Taxicab: "Income Taxi".
27. A 2nd hand watch store: "2nd Time Around".
28. A squid stall in a wet market: "Pusit to the Limit".
29. A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: "Pinoy Big Barber".
30. Panaderia: "Trimonay Bakeshop".
31. A ceiling installer: " Kisame Street ".
32. A car repair shop: "Bangga ka 'day?"
33. An aquatic pet store in Malolos: "Fish Be With You".
34. Neighborhood pizza store: "Pizza Hot"..
35. A beauty salon: "Saudia Hairlines".
36. This mobile massage business name isn't funny, but their slogan is: "Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching".
37. A bakery selling pandesal in Las Pinas: PETER PANDESAL
38. A Binalot Resto: LOTLOT BINALOT
39. Yung ngtitinda ng LPG sa aming nayon: "Mighty Gas" (he he sama pkinggan)
40. Gotohan sa Marikina nung ako'y bata pa..-->Goto Hell

TAWANAN KONTI …

TAWANAN KONTI …


Three Feelings:
What is the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when your wife is pregnant,
Tension is when your girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!

Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat. .. I LOVE YOU!
Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!

Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai delas Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang partner mo.' Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si Chavit, mas madaming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?' St. Peter: Iho, parusa yan kay Gretchen.

Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house?
Because the contract reads: 'Execute all 3 copies together with your wife...'

Ano ang nagpasikat kay Erap? Wristband.
Ano ang magpapayaman kay Abalos? Broadband.
Ano ang magpapabagsak kay GMA? Husband!

JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?
ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)
JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.
ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking?


BF: May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman...
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD!

*

Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko...
Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?
Juan: Baraha.

*

I thought my life is lonely till I saw a man with no arms but happily shakes his body.
I asked him: "You don't have an arm, why are you! so happy?"
He answered: "di ako happy, makati lang itlog ko!"

BEWARE in taking a cab in Philippines

Saw this link in my facebook and just wana share.
Be cautious in taking a cab, anywhere.
Pinas, how are you gona deal with this?




January 13, 2009
Superklasse Wednesday


After four months of not going to a club (LITERALLY), I finally did to show some support for one of my best friends, Mel and to see friends who I haven’t seen for the longest longest longest time. It was the first time I’ve ever set foot in Encore (to think I used to go to Embassy every week). It felt surreal to be out and without my boyfriend, LJ, who couldn’t come due to an early class the following day.

I only had 4 drinks: 3 Amaretto Sours and a Mai Tai. It felt good seeing a lot of my friends. We took so many pictures that my fully charged camera went low bat. Anyway, Mel and I decided to leave Encore by 2:30 A.M. Our friends stayed behind since the club closes at 3 A.M. Mel and I were taking separate cabs since she goes home to Mandaluyong and I to Makati. I WAS COMPLETELY SOBER. Not even a bit tipsy.

I remember telling her as we were leaving the club “It’s my first time going home in a cab alone from this club.” Mel was a bit concerned, even offering me to stay over her place for the night.. I told her not to worry, I ALWAYS get home safely.

So we went to get our cabs and I made sure Mel got into her cab first. Then I was looking for a cab who wouldn’t fix the price (you know how it is at The Fort) and there was one who volunteered that he’d use the meter. So I took his offer. I distinctly remember most of the waiting cabs were DAVIS cabs. Mine was not. And I was so damn stupid not to get his taxi’s name and plate number.

In the middle of the ride, I started changing into regular shorts and top. The driver wasn’t looking though but suddenly his hand reached for behind and I was surprised. He was saying, “MAY NAHULOG. Wallet mo ata.” I found a 50 peso bill on the floor. Then he said, “Ang dami mo sigurong pera. Mayaman ka noh?” I didn’t answer. I started getting nervous. I started looking for the cab’s number (which is usually written on the side of the doors). There were faint markings but it couldn’t be understood. The driver noticed my agitation and said, “Anong hinahanap mo? Plate number? Bigay ko sayo.” I was like, “Never mind.” I did NOT want him to know I was getting nervous already. Plus we were so near my house. I thought, what could go wrong?

But something did. Three streets away from my house, the cab driver “hit” a pothole or hump or whatever. He pulled over to the side and said, “Tangina, pano na yan? Na-lock yung steering wheel. Hindi ko maikot.” I was just looking at him, confused. I have no knowledge of cars so I do not know if he was bluffing or not. The meter was 75. I gave him a hundred. He had no change daw so I was like, “Fine, whatever. There’s nothing I can do about it.” I stepped out of the cab, in the middle of Bautista Street, a long street but near my house. It was almost 3 A.M. When I looked back, the cab was gone.

HOW IN THE WORLD WAS HE ABLE TO DRIVE AWAY IF HIS STEERING WHEEL WAS “LOCKED”?

I called my boyfriend up AND THANK GOD HE ANSWERED HIS PHONE. He was sleeping already, good thing the call woke him up. I was trying to remain calm. I told him my dilemma. Suddenly an empty cab drove by. A DIFFERENT ONE. I hailed it. I had probably less than half a kilometer to my house which was three streets away. The cab took me in and I ended the call.

Two more lefts, it was my house already. It was Camalig Street, then Bigasan Street. Suddenly the driver went left, the street just right before my house, Camalig. I said very politely, “Kuya, MALI. Atras ka, atras ka. Sa kabilang street pa. One more left.” The driver just kept driving like he didn’t hear. I said it again. Then he stopped and looked at me. Then he said, “Bayaran mo na.” I was weirded out. I was like, “Why? This is not even my house. It’s on the next street.” Besides, we haven’t traveled far. The meter was still at 30 pesos.

SUDDENLY, without warning, the driver grabbed my neck and jumped to the back. My first thought was, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?”. But his grip was getting tighter and tighter. I literally couldn’t breathe and felt my consciousness slipping. As we were struggling, I kept scratching at his eyes and reaching for the lock of the left door. He was on top of me hitting my head repeatedly while his other hand around my neck. I was choking and choking when I realized the left side HAD NO FUCKING LOCK, which means I couldn’t get out. Which means I had to try my luck on the right side. Imagine my struggle to get to the other side as a full grown, heavyset man kept bashing my head, scratching my face, pulling my hair and hitting me. I kept scratching his eyes. It was all I could do. When his grip loosened a bit, I managed to open the right door with so much effort. Unfortunately he pulled me back with my hair. Imagine MY TERROR as the door closed again!!!!! I couldn’t scream anymore. Besides, who would hear me I was inside a fucking car. My neck was so sore and I was close to fainting. I kept scratching his eyes and reaching for the door until by some miracle, I opened it fully and screamed with what was remaining of my voice.

The driver said something like, “Tangina, it’s not worth it.” And literally kicked me out of the car. I rolled out onto the street with my shoulder bag which was slung around me the whole time with its remaining contents. The driver suddenly sped away. Till now, I don’t know his motive, whether it be rape or hold up. Or both. Or murder.

So there I was in the middle of the street, barefoot. Then I realized why the hell am I so wet?! I realized I was sitting in a pool of my own blood. There was so much blood dripping from the right side of my head, it was like a half-closed faucet if you get what I mean. I started screaming for help.

This time the apartment I was right in front of lights’ went on. Imagine the horror on these people’s faces as I literally crawled towards them bloodied and barefoot. When I reached out to them for help, I saw my arm. It was covered in blood. And I could feel that I was losing so much more. I asked for a cellphone. I still had the consciousness to call my boyfriend. The people who took me in were nice enough to let me call. They talked to LJ and informed him of what happened. They even cleaned me up. Suddenly there was the barangay people and witnesses. That’s when everything became hazy. The barangay people said that they had to take me to the hospital because I was losing so much blood.

I was taken to Makati Medical Center ER. I still remember as I was being loaded onto the wheelchair the horrified looks of the people outside the hospital. I even had a high school batchmate who was assigned as my nurse, Erika Bautista (THANK YOU SO MUCH). In her own words she said that when I came in I looked like I was already in critical condition. I am not exaggerating when I say this: I WAS LITERALLY COVERED IN BLOOD. Head to foot.

Everything was in a daze after that. All I remember was the blood. Under my nails, on my face, on my hair, on my neck, my chest, my legs, my toes. Even my armpits had blood. Truly, I have never seen so much in my whole life. My face started bruising up so much I could see my right cheek even if I look straight ahead. I also had so much hair falling out because the guy kept on pulling it. But what bothered me was the blood that kept dripping continuously from the right side of my head… and the pain. The doctor said the cut was so deep it LOOKS LIKE I WAS STABBED. It was really bad. I wouldn’t stop crying. I hate the sight of blood and here I am, a walking bloody blob. My first medical gown was drenched in blood. So they had to change it. I changed my medical gown four times before I was discharged. That’s how bad the bleeding was.

When LJ arrived the hospital, I forced myself to be cheerful. I smiled and said “HAPPY MONTHSARY!” It was our 2nd monthsary. Geez what a way to spend it. Till now this hurts me, thinking how ironic the situation is. He said the wounds on my head were like the claw marks in the Jurassic Park movie logo. B, no words can express what I feel towards the situation and how grateful I am that you were there. Basta alam mo na yun.

Anyway, after a few hours, I got a CT scan to detect hemorrhages and X-Rays. Good thing it all came out negative. But I had so many wounds and lacerations on my head. They had to STITCH THE RIGHT SIDE OF MY TEMPLE AND ANOTHER ONE AT THE BACK OF MY HEAD. But there are still minor wounds all over my head, even the inside of my ear has blood till now. Till now my hair is all stiff and sticky from the blood. They shampooed my hair in the hospital but a lot of it still haven’t come out. (I woke up today with dried blood on my pillow).

The first time I saw a mirror, I could not believe my eyes. I thought it was just dirt and dried blood but then I realized I had a giant bruise on my right cheek and deep scratches on my face. I got a Wet One but it just won’t come off. I had to face it, my face was really fucked up. My neck had strangle marks, my jaw was swollen, I had two semi-black eyes, my cheeks were patches of black and blue and the abrasions and cuts were deep on my face. I look like the Bride of Chuckie.

After they sutured me, I became delirious for sometime. Not knowing what I was saying to LJ but he said I was acting strange and started rambling about random things that I don’t remember.

The police came and they got the license plate of the cab DAW from the witnesses but they weren’t sure if it’s accurate. We’re still planning an investigation. I lost my school ID, cellphone, cash and camera. The only things that I salvaged from the incident were my shoes, a brush and a dress. They were covered in blood as well. Now, the question is, are the first and second cab incidents related? Is it a Modus Operandi?

Anyway, I’m out of the hospital now. My body is aching all over and my face looks like Pacquiao practiced on it.

The reason why I am writing this note is TO WARN EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU PEOPLE TO BE CAREFUL. I never ever thought such a thing could happen to me. I thought it only happens in the movies. Imagine, I was just a street away from my home and THIS HAPPENED. A STREET AWAY. Thank God I wasn’t drunk, Thank God the guy did not have weapons (I think), Thank God some kind souls helped me. Thank God I had the presence of mind not to remove his hands from my neck but to scratch his eyes out and reach for the lock. Some girls initial defense would be to un-strangle themselves but I didn’t. I let him strangle me. My main objective was to get the damn door open and escape.

The doctor told my boyfriend I was lucky to be alive, before leaving the hospital. As I was struggling inside the taxi, I did not see the whole “your life flashes before you when you’re dying” thingy.

NO. That’s why I fought against him as much as I could. I told myself over and over again, “NOT TODAY… NOT TODAY… This isn’t how I should die. I’m too good for this.”


I SAW the reason why I should keep on living. That’s why I’m still here today.

PXG 725 or PSG 725
White Taxi