JOKE time po!

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet
celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of
the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" 

Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. 

It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness 

--and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed SINGLE."

HAHAHA!

My First and Last Job

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned... couldn't concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting. Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in. I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. So then I got a job in a gymnasium , but they said I wasn't fit for the job. I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

SO I RETIRED, AND I FOUND I AM A PERFECT FIT FOR THE JOB!

Ang Visa ni Lolo

This is a true story taken from one of the most read newspaper in the
Philippines .

A 70-year old 'lolo' from the province was accompanied by a grandson to the US Embassy in Manila
for his VISA interview.
The lolo spoke not a word of English so the grandson translated for him. The Consul told the young
man to ask his grandfather why he wanted to go to the States.

"Bakit daw ho ninyo gustong pumunta sa Amerika?" The grandson translated.

"Sabihin mo gusto kong makita yung mga anak ko doon."
"He said he wants to see his children there."
Fair enough, that's what the lolo's application indicated.

The Consul had another question. "Ask him why does he have to go there? Why can't his children just
come and visit him here?"

The grandson translated this in Tagalog.

Lolo replied: "Sabihin mo kasi dito pinanganak yung mga anak ko.
Nakita na nila ang Pilipinas. Gusto ko namang makita ang Amerika bago ako mamatay."
(Translation: "Tell him, my children were born here. They've seen the
Philippines already. I just want to see America before I die.")

The HEARTLESS Consul was unimpressed as he declared, devoid of any emotion, that he was rejecting
the visa application "because the applicant was unable to speak any word of English."

"Reject daw yung visa ninyo kasi hindi daw kayo marunong mag-Ingles."

The lolo was equally unimpressed. "Sabihin mo ito sa kanya at huwag na huwag mong papalitan ang
sasabihin ko:
"****** ina niya, bakit siya nandidito eh hindi naman siya marunong mag
Tagalog! ?"

Translated, "He said: You son of a *****, how come you are here... you do not know how to speak in
Tagalog!?"

Taken aback, sense of humor still intact, the consul relented and approved lolo's visa application
in pronto.

(Taken from The Philippine Star (newspaper), written by Boo Chanco)

Go LoLo...Mabuhay ang Pinoy!!!

Top Pinoy Business Names

1. Parlor in San Juan is named "Cut & Face".2. Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: "Starduck".
3. My brother's party needs business: "Balloon-Balloonan" .
4. Internet cafe opened among squatters named "Cafe Pindot". (Is there a Café Pisil nearby?)
5. In Manila , there's a laundry named, "Summa Cum Laundry".
6. A store selling fresh chicken, owned by woman named Dina: "Dina FreshChicken" .
7. A pet shop in Kamuning: "Pakita Mo Pet Mo".
8. Bakery: "Bread Pit".
9. Bank in Alabang: "Alabank".
10. Restaurant in Pampanga named, "Mekeni Rogers"
11. Restaurant in Pasig : "Johnny's Fried Chicken: The 'Fried' of Marikina ".
12. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: "Lito Lapida".
13. A copy center in Sikatuna Village called "Pakopya ni Edgar".
14. Salon: "Hair Dot Comb".javascript:void(0)
15. A goto resto: "Goto Ko Pa!"
16. Internet cafe in Taguig named, "n@kopi@".
17. Name of a kambingan, "Sa Goat Kita".
18. Laundry shop: "Wash Your Problem".
19.. A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: "Gee Congee".
20. A bakery: "Anak Ng Tinapay".
21. A store selling feeds for chickens: "Robocock".
22. Shoe repair in Marikina : "Dr. Shoe-Bago".
23. Shoe repair store along Commonwealth, "SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you".
24. Petshop: "Petness First"
25. Flower shop: "Susan's Roses". (I heard there’s another florist nearby whose store is named “Petal Attraction” )
26. Taxicab: "Income Taxi".
27. A 2nd hand watch store: "2nd Time Around".
28. A squid stall in a wet market: "Pusit to the Limit".
29. A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: "Pinoy Big Barber".
30. Panaderia: "Trimonay Bakeshop".
31. A ceiling installer: " Kisame Street ".
32. A car repair shop: "Bangga ka 'day?"
33. An aquatic pet store in Malolos: "Fish Be With You".
34. Neighborhood pizza store: "Pizza Hot"..
35. A beauty salon: "Saudia Hairlines".
36. This mobile massage business name isn't funny, but their slogan is: "Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching".
37. A bakery selling pandesal in Las Pinas: PETER PANDESAL
38. A Binalot Resto: LOTLOT BINALOT
39. Yung ngtitinda ng LPG sa aming nayon: "Mighty Gas" (he he sama pkinggan)
40. Gotohan sa Marikina nung ako'y bata pa..-->Goto Hell

TAWANAN KONTI …

TAWANAN KONTI …


Three Feelings:
What is the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when your wife is pregnant,
Tension is when your girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!

Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat. .. I LOVE YOU!
Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!

Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai delas Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang partner mo.' Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si Chavit, mas madaming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?' St. Peter: Iho, parusa yan kay Gretchen.

Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house?
Because the contract reads: 'Execute all 3 copies together with your wife...'

Ano ang nagpasikat kay Erap? Wristband.
Ano ang magpapayaman kay Abalos? Broadband.
Ano ang magpapabagsak kay GMA? Husband!

JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?
ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)
JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.
ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking?


BF: May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman...
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD!

*

Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko...
Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?
Juan: Baraha.

*

I thought my life is lonely till I saw a man with no arms but happily shakes his body.
I asked him: "You don't have an arm, why are you! so happy?"
He answered: "di ako happy, makati lang itlog ko!"