How Are You Philippines?

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"  Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all.  It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness  --and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed SINGLE." HAHAHA!

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned... couldn't concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting. Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in. I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. So then I got a job in a gymnasium , but they said I wasn't fit for the job. I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it. SO I RETIRED, AND I FOUND I AM A PERFECT FIT FOR THE JOB!

This is a true story taken from one of the most read newspaper in the Philippines . A 70-year old 'lolo' from the province was accompanied by a grandson to the US Embassy in Manila for his VISA interview. The lolo spoke not a word of English so the grandson translated for him. The Consul told the young man to ask his grandfather why he wanted to go to the States. "Bakit daw ho ninyo gustong pumunta sa Amerika?" The grandson translated. "Sabihin mo gusto kong makita yung mga anak ko doon." "He said he wants to see his children there." Fair enough, that's what the lolo's application indicated. The Consul had another question. "Ask him why does he have to go there? Why can't his children just come and visit him here?" The grandson translated this in Tagalog. Lolo replied: "Sabihin mo kasi dito pinanganak yung mga anak ko. Nakita na nila ang Pilipinas. Gusto ko namang makita ang Amerika bago ako mamatay....

1. Parlor in San Juan is named "Cut & Face".2. Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: "Starduck". 3. My brother's party needs business: "Balloon-Balloonan" . 4. Internet cafe opened among squatters named "Cafe Pindot". (Is there a Café Pisil nearby?) 5. In Manila , there's a laundry named, "Summa Cum Laundry". 6. A store selling fresh chicken, owned by woman named Dina: "Dina FreshChicken" . 7. A pet shop in Kamuning: "Pakita Mo Pet Mo". 8. Bakery: "Bread Pit". 9. Bank in Alabang: "Alabank". 10. Restaurant in Pampanga named, "Mekeni Rogers" 11. Restaurant in Pasig : "Johnny's Fried Chicken: The 'Fried' of Marikina ". 12. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: "Lito Lapida". 13. A copy center in Sikatuna Village called "Pakopya ni Edgar". 14. Salon: "Hair Dot Comb".javascript:void(0) 15. A goto resto: "Goto K...

TAWANAN KONTI … Three Feelings: What is the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when your wife is pregnant, Tension is when your girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant. BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168? Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit? Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako! Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat. .. I LOVE YOU! Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI! Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai delas Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang partner mo.' Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si Chavit, mas madaming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?' St. Peter: Iho, parusa yan kay Gretchen. Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?" Applicant: " The company relocated a...