Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Top Pinoy Business Names



1. Parlor in San Juan is named "Cut & Face".2. Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: "Starduck".
3. My brother's party needs business: "Balloon-Balloonan" .
4. Internet cafe opened among squatters named "Cafe Pindot". (Is there a Café Pisil nearby?)
5. In Manila , there's a laundry named, "Summa Cum Laundry".
6. A store selling fresh chicken, owned by woman named Dina: "Dina FreshChicken" .
7. A pet shop in Kamuning: "Pakita Mo Pet Mo".
8. Bakery: "Bread Pit".
9. Bank in Alabang: "Alabank".
10. Restaurant in Pampanga named, "Mekeni Rogers"
11. Restaurant in Pasig : "Johnny's Fried Chicken: The 'Fried' of Marikina ".
12. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: "Lito Lapida".
13. A copy center in Sikatuna Village called "Pakopya ni Edgar".
14. Salon: "Hair Dot Comb".javascript:void(0)
15. A goto resto: "Goto Ko Pa!"
16. Internet cafe in Taguig named, "n@kopi@".
17. Name of a kambingan, "Sa Goat Kita".
18. Laundry shop: "Wash Your Problem".
19.. A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: "Gee Congee".
20. A bakery: "Anak Ng Tinapay".
21. A store selling feeds for chickens: "Robocock".
22. Shoe repair in Marikina : "Dr. Shoe-Bago".
23. Shoe repair store along Commonwealth, "SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you".
24. Petshop: "Petness First"
25. Flower shop: "Susan's Roses". (I heard there’s another florist nearby whose store is named “Petal Attraction” )
26. Taxicab: "Income Taxi".
27. A 2nd hand watch store: "2nd Time Around".
28. A squid stall in a wet market: "Pusit to the Limit".
29. A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: "Pinoy Big Barber".
30. Panaderia: "Trimonay Bakeshop".
31. A ceiling installer: " Kisame Street ".
32. A car repair shop: "Bangga ka 'day?"
33. An aquatic pet store in Malolos: "Fish Be With You".
34. Neighborhood pizza store: "Pizza Hot"..
35. A beauty salon: "Saudia Hairlines".
36. This mobile massage business name isn't funny, but their slogan is: "Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching".
37. A bakery selling pandesal in Las Pinas: PETER PANDESAL
38. A Binalot Resto: LOTLOT BINALOT
39. Yung ngtitinda ng LPG sa aming nayon: "Mighty Gas" (he he sama pkinggan)
40. Gotohan sa Marikina nung ako'y bata pa..-->Goto Hell

Thursday, February 18, 2010

TAWANAN KONTI …


TAWANAN KONTI …


Three Feelings:
What is the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when your wife is pregnant,
Tension is when your girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!

Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat. .. I LOVE YOU!
Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!

Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai delas Alas as partner, saying, 'Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang partner mo.' Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto and said, 'Bakit si Chavit, mas madaming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?' St. Peter: Iho, parusa yan kay Gretchen.

Prospective Employer to Applicant: " So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"

Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house?
Because the contract reads: 'Execute all 3 copies together with your wife...'

Ano ang nagpasikat kay Erap? Wristband.
Ano ang magpapayaman kay Abalos? Broadband.
Ano ang magpapabagsak kay GMA? Husband!

JUDGE: Ano ba talaga nangyari?
ERAP: ? (di nagsasalita)
JUDGE: Sumagot ka sa tanong.
ERAP: Naman eh!!! Kala ko ba hearing lang to??? Bakit may speaking?


BF: May ibibigay akong gift sayo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman...
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD!

*

Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko...
Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?
Juan: Baraha.

*

I thought my life is lonely till I saw a man with no arms but happily shakes his body.
I asked him: "You don't have an arm, why are you! so happy?"
He answered: "di ako happy, makati lang itlog ko!"

Friday, January 22, 2010

BEWARE in taking a cab in Philippines

Saw this link in my facebook and just wana share.
Be cautious in taking a cab, anywhere.
Pinas, how are you gona deal with this?




January 13, 2009
Superklasse Wednesday


After four months of not going to a club (LITERALLY), I finally did to show some support for one of my best friends, Mel and to see friends who I haven’t seen for the longest longest longest time. It was the first time I’ve ever set foot in Encore (to think I used to go to Embassy every week). It felt surreal to be out and without my boyfriend, LJ, who couldn’t come due to an early class the following day.

I only had 4 drinks: 3 Amaretto Sours and a Mai Tai. It felt good seeing a lot of my friends. We took so many pictures that my fully charged camera went low bat. Anyway, Mel and I decided to leave Encore by 2:30 A.M. Our friends stayed behind since the club closes at 3 A.M. Mel and I were taking separate cabs since she goes home to Mandaluyong and I to Makati. I WAS COMPLETELY SOBER. Not even a bit tipsy.

I remember telling her as we were leaving the club “It’s my first time going home in a cab alone from this club.” Mel was a bit concerned, even offering me to stay over her place for the night.. I told her not to worry, I ALWAYS get home safely.

So we went to get our cabs and I made sure Mel got into her cab first. Then I was looking for a cab who wouldn’t fix the price (you know how it is at The Fort) and there was one who volunteered that he’d use the meter. So I took his offer. I distinctly remember most of the waiting cabs were DAVIS cabs. Mine was not. And I was so damn stupid not to get his taxi’s name and plate number.

In the middle of the ride, I started changing into regular shorts and top. The driver wasn’t looking though but suddenly his hand reached for behind and I was surprised. He was saying, “MAY NAHULOG. Wallet mo ata.” I found a 50 peso bill on the floor. Then he said, “Ang dami mo sigurong pera. Mayaman ka noh?” I didn’t answer. I started getting nervous. I started looking for the cab’s number (which is usually written on the side of the doors). There were faint markings but it couldn’t be understood. The driver noticed my agitation and said, “Anong hinahanap mo? Plate number? Bigay ko sayo.” I was like, “Never mind.” I did NOT want him to know I was getting nervous already. Plus we were so near my house. I thought, what could go wrong?

But something did. Three streets away from my house, the cab driver “hit” a pothole or hump or whatever. He pulled over to the side and said, “Tangina, pano na yan? Na-lock yung steering wheel. Hindi ko maikot.” I was just looking at him, confused. I have no knowledge of cars so I do not know if he was bluffing or not. The meter was 75. I gave him a hundred. He had no change daw so I was like, “Fine, whatever. There’s nothing I can do about it.” I stepped out of the cab, in the middle of Bautista Street, a long street but near my house. It was almost 3 A.M. When I looked back, the cab was gone.

HOW IN THE WORLD WAS HE ABLE TO DRIVE AWAY IF HIS STEERING WHEEL WAS “LOCKED”?

I called my boyfriend up AND THANK GOD HE ANSWERED HIS PHONE. He was sleeping already, good thing the call woke him up. I was trying to remain calm. I told him my dilemma. Suddenly an empty cab drove by. A DIFFERENT ONE. I hailed it. I had probably less than half a kilometer to my house which was three streets away. The cab took me in and I ended the call.

Two more lefts, it was my house already. It was Camalig Street, then Bigasan Street. Suddenly the driver went left, the street just right before my house, Camalig. I said very politely, “Kuya, MALI. Atras ka, atras ka. Sa kabilang street pa. One more left.” The driver just kept driving like he didn’t hear. I said it again. Then he stopped and looked at me. Then he said, “Bayaran mo na.” I was weirded out. I was like, “Why? This is not even my house. It’s on the next street.” Besides, we haven’t traveled far. The meter was still at 30 pesos.

SUDDENLY, without warning, the driver grabbed my neck and jumped to the back. My first thought was, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?”. But his grip was getting tighter and tighter. I literally couldn’t breathe and felt my consciousness slipping. As we were struggling, I kept scratching at his eyes and reaching for the lock of the left door. He was on top of me hitting my head repeatedly while his other hand around my neck. I was choking and choking when I realized the left side HAD NO FUCKING LOCK, which means I couldn’t get out. Which means I had to try my luck on the right side. Imagine my struggle to get to the other side as a full grown, heavyset man kept bashing my head, scratching my face, pulling my hair and hitting me. I kept scratching his eyes. It was all I could do. When his grip loosened a bit, I managed to open the right door with so much effort. Unfortunately he pulled me back with my hair. Imagine MY TERROR as the door closed again!!!!! I couldn’t scream anymore. Besides, who would hear me I was inside a fucking car. My neck was so sore and I was close to fainting. I kept scratching his eyes and reaching for the door until by some miracle, I opened it fully and screamed with what was remaining of my voice.

The driver said something like, “Tangina, it’s not worth it.” And literally kicked me out of the car. I rolled out onto the street with my shoulder bag which was slung around me the whole time with its remaining contents. The driver suddenly sped away. Till now, I don’t know his motive, whether it be rape or hold up. Or both. Or murder.

So there I was in the middle of the street, barefoot. Then I realized why the hell am I so wet?! I realized I was sitting in a pool of my own blood. There was so much blood dripping from the right side of my head, it was like a half-closed faucet if you get what I mean. I started screaming for help.

This time the apartment I was right in front of lights’ went on. Imagine the horror on these people’s faces as I literally crawled towards them bloodied and barefoot. When I reached out to them for help, I saw my arm. It was covered in blood. And I could feel that I was losing so much more. I asked for a cellphone. I still had the consciousness to call my boyfriend. The people who took me in were nice enough to let me call. They talked to LJ and informed him of what happened. They even cleaned me up. Suddenly there was the barangay people and witnesses. That’s when everything became hazy. The barangay people said that they had to take me to the hospital because I was losing so much blood.

I was taken to Makati Medical Center ER. I still remember as I was being loaded onto the wheelchair the horrified looks of the people outside the hospital. I even had a high school batchmate who was assigned as my nurse, Erika Bautista (THANK YOU SO MUCH). In her own words she said that when I came in I looked like I was already in critical condition. I am not exaggerating when I say this: I WAS LITERALLY COVERED IN BLOOD. Head to foot.

Everything was in a daze after that. All I remember was the blood. Under my nails, on my face, on my hair, on my neck, my chest, my legs, my toes. Even my armpits had blood. Truly, I have never seen so much in my whole life. My face started bruising up so much I could see my right cheek even if I look straight ahead. I also had so much hair falling out because the guy kept on pulling it. But what bothered me was the blood that kept dripping continuously from the right side of my head… and the pain. The doctor said the cut was so deep it LOOKS LIKE I WAS STABBED. It was really bad. I wouldn’t stop crying. I hate the sight of blood and here I am, a walking bloody blob. My first medical gown was drenched in blood. So they had to change it. I changed my medical gown four times before I was discharged. That’s how bad the bleeding was.

When LJ arrived the hospital, I forced myself to be cheerful. I smiled and said “HAPPY MONTHSARY!” It was our 2nd monthsary. Geez what a way to spend it. Till now this hurts me, thinking how ironic the situation is. He said the wounds on my head were like the claw marks in the Jurassic Park movie logo. B, no words can express what I feel towards the situation and how grateful I am that you were there. Basta alam mo na yun.

Anyway, after a few hours, I got a CT scan to detect hemorrhages and X-Rays. Good thing it all came out negative. But I had so many wounds and lacerations on my head. They had to STITCH THE RIGHT SIDE OF MY TEMPLE AND ANOTHER ONE AT THE BACK OF MY HEAD. But there are still minor wounds all over my head, even the inside of my ear has blood till now. Till now my hair is all stiff and sticky from the blood. They shampooed my hair in the hospital but a lot of it still haven’t come out. (I woke up today with dried blood on my pillow).

The first time I saw a mirror, I could not believe my eyes. I thought it was just dirt and dried blood but then I realized I had a giant bruise on my right cheek and deep scratches on my face. I got a Wet One but it just won’t come off. I had to face it, my face was really fucked up. My neck had strangle marks, my jaw was swollen, I had two semi-black eyes, my cheeks were patches of black and blue and the abrasions and cuts were deep on my face. I look like the Bride of Chuckie.

After they sutured me, I became delirious for sometime. Not knowing what I was saying to LJ but he said I was acting strange and started rambling about random things that I don’t remember.

The police came and they got the license plate of the cab DAW from the witnesses but they weren’t sure if it’s accurate. We’re still planning an investigation. I lost my school ID, cellphone, cash and camera. The only things that I salvaged from the incident were my shoes, a brush and a dress. They were covered in blood as well. Now, the question is, are the first and second cab incidents related? Is it a Modus Operandi?

Anyway, I’m out of the hospital now. My body is aching all over and my face looks like Pacquiao practiced on it.

The reason why I am writing this note is TO WARN EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU PEOPLE TO BE CAREFUL. I never ever thought such a thing could happen to me. I thought it only happens in the movies. Imagine, I was just a street away from my home and THIS HAPPENED. A STREET AWAY. Thank God I wasn’t drunk, Thank God the guy did not have weapons (I think), Thank God some kind souls helped me. Thank God I had the presence of mind not to remove his hands from my neck but to scratch his eyes out and reach for the lock. Some girls initial defense would be to un-strangle themselves but I didn’t. I let him strangle me. My main objective was to get the damn door open and escape.

The doctor told my boyfriend I was lucky to be alive, before leaving the hospital. As I was struggling inside the taxi, I did not see the whole “your life flashes before you when you’re dying” thingy.

NO. That’s why I fought against him as much as I could. I told myself over and over again, “NOT TODAY… NOT TODAY… This isn’t how I should die. I’m too good for this.”


I SAW the reason why I should keep on living. That’s why I’m still here today.

PXG 725 or PSG 725
White Taxi

Monday, December 7, 2009

Groups in Austria denounce Maguindanao massacre

by Hector Pascua, ABS-CBN Europe News Bureau | 12/08/2009 1:22 PM


VIENNA, Austria - The Austrian Union of Catholic and Secular Journalists condemned the slaughter of unarmed civilians in Maguindanao last November 23.

In a press statement released by the Union, it expressed its sincere condolences to the families of the victims. Likewise, it urged Philippine authorities to hold all those responsible accountable for the crime.

Pinas First, a Philippine nationalistic group whose mission is to share the true spirit and values of Christianity, particularly the concerns for justice and peace among migrant Filipinos and their families, issued a statement of its utmost solidarity and deepest sympathy to the families and relatives of the victims of the mass murder in Maguindanao.

Filipino Journalists in Austria also condemned the massacre, pointing out that the massacre was the single-biggest murder of working journalists.

Volet Gerstl, editor and publisher of BikolExpress, a Filipino News-magazine in Vienna also expressed her outrage over the massacre.

“I commiserate with the families of my fellow workers in the media and other innocent individuals who were murdered in the line of duty,’’ Gerstl said.

Earlier, the Austrian People’s party member and currently the European Union's External Relations Commissioner Benita Ferrero Waldner strongly condemned the barbaric massacre in the south of the Philippines.

"I condemn in the strongest possible terms the barbaric killing of innocent civilians, including women, journalists and lawyers, who were preparing to participate in the electoral process in the Philippines," Ferrero-Waldner said in a statement.

At least 57 people were killed in the massacre last November 23. Among those killed were 30 journalists, lawyers, members of a political clan and their supporters.

On Monday, the Philippine National Police (PNP) submitted before the Department of Justice information on the rebellion charges that would be filed against 24 members of the Ampatuan clan, including its patriarch, Maguindanao Gov. Andal Ampatuan Sr.

Datu Unsay Mayor Andal Ampatuan Jr., the alleged mastermind of the Maguindanao massacre, has been charged with 25 counts of murder and detained at the National Bureau of Investigation (NBI) main office in Manila.
as of 12/08/2009 1:22 PM

Military: Cops attacked in Philippine Maguindanao province

Military: Cops attacked in Philippine Maguindanao province

www.chinaview.cn 2009-12-08 12:09:53 Print

SHARIFF AGUAK, Philippines, Dec. 8 (Xinhua) -- Philippine policemen were fired upon late Monday night when they were patrolling in a town in the southern province of Maguindanao, the second such incident since Sunday night, a military spokesman said Tuesday.

Lt. Col. Jonathan Ponce, a local military spokesman, told reporters that the shooting occurred at the border of Datu Saudi and Datu Unsay townships but there is no casualty on the government side.

It was the second clash since Manila imposed a military rule in the province following the Nov. 23 mass killing of 57 people, including 30 journalists there. Andal Ampatuan Jr., mayor of Datu Unsay, was arrested and charged as a prime suspect of the massacre.

Patrolling cops were fired upon late Sunday night in Datu Unsay town, which prompted law enforcement men to fire back. No government casualties were reported in the shooting.

The authorities are going after other members of the Ampatuan clan and said the family's around 2,300 para-military soldiers running at large pose a serious threat to the peace and stability in the region.

Earlier, Lt. Gen. Raymundo Ferrer, martial law administrator in the province, told reporters that several armed followers of Ampatuans have joined forces with the Moro Islamic Liberation Front, a claim denied by the rebel group.

The Ampatuans have ruled Maguindanao since 2001.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Maguindanao massacre "ampatuan vs mangudadatu"

When can there be peace in Mindanao and Philippines? :(

Troops in Manila ready vs possible spillover of Maguindanao turmoil

The military is bracing for a possible spillover of the current turmoil in Maguindanao province, which under martial law as the government continues its crackdown on the people behind the grisly November 23 massacre in Ampatuan town.

This was after reports that at least 300 supporters of the powerful Ampatuan political clan, the suspects in the massacre that killed 57 people, have left for Metro Manila to escape the ongoing operations by government security forces in Maguindanao.

A report by GMA News' Susan Enriquez aired over the special edition of "24 Oras" Sunday night said two tanks are currently on standby in Camp Aguinaldo ready for possible deployment any time.

The report said the military's National Capital Region Command (NCRCom) has placed its troops on blue alert - the second highest alert level in the military - last Friday, the day Malacañang issued Proclamation 1959 placing the entire Maguindanao under martial law.

"The organic personnel of the NCRCom are on ready section, ready to be deployed any time if the situation so arises," said Lt. Col. Jesus Nava, head of NCRComs' command operations center.

The report said troops from the Army, Navy and Air Force have already been alerted for possible deployment any time. Intelligence information gathering has also been intensified.

So far, Metro Manila remains safe from any threat related to the Maguindanao turmoil, Nava said. "The [Armed Forces of the Philippines] is in control of the situation in Manila in coordination with the [Philippine National Police]."

The PNP, on the other hand, said the happenings in Maguindanao, about 545 miles (880 kilometers) south of Manila, are unlikely to reach the nation's capital, according to a separate report in "24 Oras."

"As far as the information that we have received... there are no spillovers here in Metro Manila. We're just reckoning with Maguindanao," said PNP spokesman Chief Superintendent Leonardo Espina.

He belittled reports that 300 men associated with the Ampatuan clan are now in the metropolis.

"We have received those reports but these are relatives [of the Ampatuans] who have transferred for the meantime here in Metro Manila because of the ongoing operations in Maguindanao," Espina said.

Of the arrested Ampatuan clan members, only Andal Ampatuan Jr., the prime suspect in the massacre who is also the mayor of Datu Unsay town, is in Manila. He is detained at the National Bureau of Investigation (NBI) compound to face the murder charges filed against him.

Most of the victims of the massacre were members of the rival Mangudadatu clan. Dozens of journalists were also killed in what is now considered as the worst case of political violence in the country. - KBK, GMANews.TV